The Words You Forget, Your People Remember
Leaders create moments that change how people see themselves far more often than they realize. A single sentence of belief can be carried for a lifetime.
Leaders shape how people see themselves through brief moments that are easy to forget and hard to undo, sometimes called searing formative moments. A specific word of belief, such as telling someone what you see in them, can change their confidence and direction for years. Make it a habit to tell people, specifically and sincerely, what you see in them, especially before they see it themselves.
Think back to a teacher, coach or boss who said something to you that you still remember. Maybe a music teacher told a fourth grader, “You have a beautiful voice. You could be the star of our musical someday.” Maybe a coach told a skinny freshman, “Keep working. You have something.” The person who said it may have forgotten it by dinner. The person who heard it may carry it for life.
These are sometimes called searing formative moments: brief interactions that change someone’s beliefs, confidence or direction. And leaders create far more of them than they realize.
They work in both directions
Formative moments are not always positive. A dismissive comment, a public correction or a careless joke can stick with someone just as long. Many adults can still quote the person who told them they were not good at something. That is the responsibility that comes with leading people: your words weigh more than you think, in both directions.
Tell people what you see in them
One of the most powerful things a leader can do is tell someone what they see in them, specifically and sincerely, especially before that person sees it in themselves. “I see a future leader in you.” “You have a gift for making customers feel at ease.” “You handled that with more maturity than people twice your experience.”
In my own promotion process, I sometimes find that the team sees someone as a leader who never thought of applying. Telling that person how the team sees them can change the direction of their career. I wrote about one of those moments in How to Decide Who to Promote Into Leadership.
How to create more positive formative moments
- Be specific. Name the exact strength or behavior you see.
- Be sincere. Only say what you genuinely believe.
- Say it out loud. Do not assume they already know.
- Look for the quiet ones. Dependable people often hear the least.
- Mind the other direction. Correct in private and never joke at someone’s expense.
Who needs a word of belief from you?
At the end of my culture keynote, I ask everyone to pause for fifteen or twenty seconds and think of one person who needs a word of belief from them. Who needs to know you see them? Who might carry your next conversation longer than you realize? That name is where change begins. Not with a big initiative, but with one sentence, said sincerely, to one person.
Leadership is reciprocal. When people feel invested in, they give more back. This idea closes my culture keynote, You Are Capable of a Better Culture, and it is at the heart of You Are Capable of More, which is built on the belief that people are capable of more than they think.
Leaders create moments that shape how people see themselves, often without realizing it. Tell people specifically and sincerely what you see in them, look for the quiet ones and be careful with words that wound. One sentence can last a lifetime.
Frequently asked questions
What is a searing formative moment?
How can leaders build confidence in employees?
Can negative comments from leaders have lasting effects?
How often should leaders encourage employees?
You Are Capable of More
A No-Excuses Guide to Becoming Your Best Self. The bestselling book behind Chris’s keynotes and the 2026 Paris Book Festival winner in the How-To category. Many teams hand a copy to every seller at their kickoff.
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Chris Sund speaks on this in You Are Capable of a Better Culture and You Are Capable of More, for conferences, leadership teams and company meetings.
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