How to Show Empathy to Patients: Feel It Before You Fix It
When a patient is scared or frustrated, the instinct is to fix it or reassure them. Sometimes empathy has to arrive before the answer, because people need to feel understood before they feel helped.
Show empathy to patients by acknowledging how they feel before offering solutions. Replace quick reassurance like “Don’t worry” with phrases that name the feeling, such as “I can understand why that would be frustrating,” then slow down, listen, explain the next step and stay present. Sometimes a patient does not need a medical answer. They need a human being.
Healthcare workers are problem solvers. When a patient is upset, the natural response is to fix it as quickly as possible, or to reassure them that everything will be fine. Both come from a good place. But to a frightened patient, “Don’t worry” can sound like “Your worry does not matter,” and a fast solution can feel like being hurried along.
In my patient experience keynote, I ask audiences a simple question: fix it or feel it? Which response builds more trust? Almost every room lands in the same place. People need to feel understood before they feel helped.
Fix it or feel it?
Two ways to respond to a worried patient
- Fix it (less helpful): “Don’t worry.” “Everything will be okay.” “That’s normal.”
- Feel it (builds trust): “I can understand why that would be frustrating.” “That sounds really scary.” “Let’s take this one step at a time.”
The difference is small in words and large in effect. The second set of responses acknowledges what the person is feeling. Once someone feels heard, they are far more able to listen to the plan, ask good questions and trust the person helping them.
Phrases that show empathy
Words that help a patient feel understood
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “I would be worried too.”
- “Thank you for telling me. Tell me more about that.”
- “You have been waiting a long time. I am sorry about that.”
- “Let’s take this one step at a time. Here is what happens next.”
- “I am not going anywhere. What questions do you have?”
Sometimes they just need a person
Not every concern has a medical answer. A patient who is lonely, a spouse who is grieving, a family member who is exhausted may not need information at all. They need someone to sit with them for a minute. “Tell me about him” can mean more to a widow holding a photograph than any explanation of a care plan. Sometimes patients do not need a medical answer. They just need a human being.
Empathy with families
Families are part of the patient experience too, and they are often more anxious than the patient. They notice everything and remember everything. Acknowledge their worry, keep them informed before they have to ask and include them in the plan when the patient wants that. A family that feels heard becomes a partner in care instead of a source of conflict.
Empathy is a skill, not a mood
Empathy does not require a care team that is never tired. It requires a few habits that hold up even on hard days: name the feeling, slow down for a moment, explain the next step and stay present. Leaders can help by modeling these phrases, sharing stories of moments that worked and recognizing them when they see them.
Empathy is the heart of Respond in the CARE framework, which I teach in my healthcare keynote, The Power of Small Moments. For more, see Bedside Manner Tips.
People need to feel understood before they feel helped. Replace quick reassurance with phrases that name the feeling, slow down, explain the next step and stay present, and remember that sometimes a patient just needs a human being.
Frequently asked questions
How do you show empathy to patients?
What should you say instead of don’t worry?
Why does empathy matter in healthcare?
Can empathy be taught to healthcare workers?
You Are Capable of More
A No-Excuses Guide to Becoming Your Best Self. The bestselling book behind Chris’s keynotes and the 2026 Paris Book Festival winner in the How-To category. Many teams hand a copy to every seller at their kickoff.
Feel it
before you fix it.
Chris Sund speaks on this in The Power of Small Moments, for conferences, leadership teams and company meetings.
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