How to Forgive Yourself for a Mistake
Some people can forgive everyone except themselves. Holding onto a mistake long after you have learned from it does not make you more responsible. It just keeps you stuck.
To forgive yourself for a mistake, own what happened honestly, make amends or repairs where you can, separate what you did from who you are, name the specific lesson, decide what you will do differently, and then consciously let it go when the replay starts. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Forgiving yourself is not excusing the mistake. It is choosing to learn from it rather than live in it.
Some of the most important growth in my life came after decisions I was not proud of. What helped most was a shift I still share from stage: I did something bad, but that did not make me bad. As long as a mistake was part of my identity, I could not move past it. Once I saw it as something I did, I could own it, learn from it and change.
Many people at work carry mistakes far longer than anyone else remembers them. A missed deadline, a hard conversation that went badly, a decision that cost money. Learning from those moments matters. Punishing yourself for months does not.
Own it first
Self-forgiveness is not the same as pretending nothing happened. Start by being honest about what you did and its impact. In my book I wrote that ownership does not waste disappointment. It does not erase it, but it gives it purpose. Owning a mistake is what allows you to put it down later.
Six steps to forgive yourself
- Own it honestly. What happened and who it affected.
- Repair what you can. Apologize, fix, make it right.
- Separate deed from identity. You did something wrong. You are not wrong.
- Name the lesson. One specific thing you will do differently.
- Use the friend test. What would you tell someone else?
- Let it go on purpose. When the replay starts, redirect.
Repair what you can
If your mistake affected someone else, apologize sincerely and do what you can to make it right. Repair is often what allows forgiveness, from others and from yourself. See How to Apologize at Work.
Separate what you did from who you are
A mistake is an event, not a definition. Saying I made a bad call on that project is very different from saying I am bad at my job. The first gives you something to learn. The second gives you something to carry.
Let it go on purpose
Even after you have learned the lesson, the mind may keep replaying the mistake. When it does, notice it, remind yourself of the lesson you took and redirect your attention to something you can do now. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who made the same mistake.
Ownership and moving forward are the heart of my signature keynote, You Are Capable of More. See also How to Bounce Back From a Big Mistake at Work and How to Train Your Inner Voice.
Forgiving yourself is not excusing a mistake. It is choosing to learn from it instead of living in it. Own it, repair what you can, separate what you did from who you are, name the lesson, use the friend test and let it go on purpose when the replay starts.
Frequently asked questions
How do you forgive yourself for a mistake at work?
Is forgiving yourself the same as excusing a mistake?
Why is it so hard to forgive yourself?
What does Chris Sund say about mistakes?
You Are Capable of More
A No-Excuses Guide to Becoming Your Best Self. The bestselling book behind Chris’s keynotes and the 2026 Paris Book Festival winner in the How-To category. Many teams hand a copy to every seller at their kickoff.
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Chris Sund speaks on this in You Are Capable of More, for conferences, leadership teams and company meetings.
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